Last Updated on 22 June 2024

Quotes from Steve Martin (1945-)

• All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
• Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.
• As we get older we either become our worst selves or our best selves.
• The banjo is such a happy instrument – you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
• Be so good they can’t ignore you.
• Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.
• A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.
• Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
• The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.
• A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
• A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
• First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
• I am a wild and crazy guy!
• I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
• I got a flue shot and now my chimney works perfectly.
• I just gave my cat a bath. Now how do I get all this fur off my tongue?
• I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.
• I saw the movie, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ and was surprised because I didn’t see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they’re crouching and hidden.
• I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
• If I screw up raising my kids, nothing I achieve will matter much.
• It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.
• It’s pain that changes our lives.
• I’ve decided to take up smoking, my doctor said I wasn’t getting enough tar.
• Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
• Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
• A triangle with four points is what Euclid rides into hell.
• You know, a lot of people come to me and they say, “Steve, how can you be so f***ing funny?” There’s a secret to it, it’s no big deal. Before I go out, I put a slice of bologna in each of my shoes. So when I’m on stage, I feel… funny.
• You know, when you’re telling these little stories, here’s a good idea: have a point! It makes it so much more interesting for the listener!