Last Updated on 21 March 2025

In “Weird Al” Yankovic’s song “One More Minute,” he mentions many things that he would rather do than “spend one more minute with you.” Here is a list.

I’d rather:

• Spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
• Get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
• Rip out my intestines with a fork
• Slam my fingers in a door again and again and again and again and again
• Have my blood sucked out by leeches
• Shove an icepick under a toenail or two
• Clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue
• Jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
• Stick my nostrils together with Krazy Glue
• Dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
• Rip my heart right out of my ribcage with my bare hands and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it till I die